No land in sight? No ants, no plants Where could we be? I'm lost, mummy please help me Mummy please help me, I'm lost at sea I'm lost at sea We're lost at sea Hey guys Hey, how's it going Nice to meet you I'm Andy Hi, Andy This is my friend Leo He's coming to visit And uh, we're lost at sea right now. Where could we be The compass hasn't worked in days I'm surrounded by crabs Why are there crabs on the ship How did they get up here? Did they climb the ladder? Better crabs than rats Crabs are eating the rats That was our only feedstock Now the grass is gone I see a ship in the distance Wave the flag Wave the flag Wave the flag Wave the flag Here 'em disappear behind the curtain The ship is gone No one is coming to save us And that's ok Maybe we don't need to be saved ---- Seabirds! Seabird on the horizon! Get down! We're in Seabird Town! Seabird! Help me, it's a seabird! That dog is very excited It's an anti-seabird dog Anti-seabird

Sorry, Charles Looks like you were gonna reptile-snatch that right out of my hand with your tongue I was, I'm glad you caught that . . . like you were doin' the calculations Are all freemasons reptiles, or is it just Charles? All reptiles are freemasons. God, I'm not a freemason. Holy shit. How's it been going, Charles? Yeah, tell me about your life. Well, um . . . You have to. . . . I got another shipment of stones in yesterday. Couple tons. Just sittin' in my backyard right now. Masonry? That's lizad shit. . . . aren't very happy with it, but uh But you know, like, they aren't the end products. Charles is on some lizard shit, as usual Charles is on some lizard shit, as usual I like to invite all my friends over, to just carve, things! Charles is on some lizard shit, as usual As usual Charles is a lizard, as usual We carve . . . edifices Yeah, edifices? Out of the stones that are sitting in my backyard now If you listen, you can hear it: Hey Charles? Stones are an important ingredient in gardening. Hey, Charles What? Are you cold-blooded? Absolutely not. Charles is cold-blooded, as usual Charles is on some lizard shit, as usual So you wanna come over and carve stones some time? Yes, I would love to! Listen to him talk about stones, as usual He's clearly a lizard, as usual Charles is on some lizard shit, as usual He's on some lizard shit, as usual Listen to him talk, as usual Obviously a lizard, as usual Help each other out with stuff You know, in moving, politics, whatever they need Charles is a freemason I'm not What's it like? God dammit, Jay You'll actually convince people I'm in the Freemasons That's code for being a lizard, right? I told you, we're the Liberated Stoners, and It's a local community activist group, and we help each other out In non-political ways Non-lizard ways, or pro-lizard? I. mean, you know, pro-lizard, but non-political I like lizards. What's wrong with lizards? Are you serious right now? Just tell me . . . What do you not like about lizards? . . . are you or aren't you a lizard? Name the top three things you don't like about lizards. Um, one: Warm blooded? No Yeah they're not. Two: Um, soft to the touch? No Three: Named Charles? Yes! This is kinda hurting my feelings Lizards don't have feelings Yes they do Charles is a liar No he's not This is not a duet Get the fuck out of here Of my song You're not in my song I'm totally in your song No you're not Yes I am In the universe of this song I'm singing, you are not I'm a warm-blooded lizard, in your song No you're not You're a cold-blooded lizard I'm a warm-blooded lizard, in your song Cold-blooded lizard Cold-blooded lizard Get out of my song This is my song Fuck

If I was alone in this world I would find a snake in my parents' barn It would come to no harm, no harm The snake on the farm in my parents' barn That is, no physical harm I would ask that snake, Do you have a job, do you have a job? And if that snake had no job, I would tell it to go get a job Oh, the things I would put that snake through, In order to make sure it got a job We are a very serious band, And our main mission is to Make sure snakes get jobs! Make sure snakes get jobs! Make sure snakes get jobs! Make sure snakes get jobs! A snake unemployed Doesn't deserve to live A snake well-endowed Is a philanthropist A philanthropist snake Deserves to live A snake with a good job He shoots from the hip Snakes should get jobs And if they don't Do I have to say? Fling them in the moat A snake in a moat Has a job A snake in a moat Is well-endowed When in doubt, Look in the barn Find a snake Say, junior, you'll come to no harm That is no physical harm For a snake without a job, well . . . The things I would do to you if snake-murder was legal What I'm saying here, is we should Engage in psychological warfare against unemployed snakes Until all of them get jobs and can finally give back to their communites In a big way! I'm talking about seriously well-endowed, financially speaking that is. We don't want some snake with just some kind of a pocket-change job, You know. the kind oh job that snake parents say Oh, they'll just do that when they're kids, And then eventually when they're older, they'll get a real job, I'm not talking about that kind of job. When it comes to snakes, When I say job, I mean, like, I mean high finance. I mean, I mean . . . He means surgery Insurance, like, like . . . He means engineersssss Engineers, yeah. Doctors and lawyersssss I'm not talking about some low-level bureaucrat, I'm talking about Business executivesssss Exactly! Snakes should get jobs Motivational speakersssss And if they can't Drive them to depression School superintendentsssss Yeah! Healthcare consultantsssss Snakes should get jobs C-level executivesssss You know, I think I prefer playing The wailing ghost to any other instrument. What is the wailing ghost? It's the instrument I'm playing

I'm surprised about how many snake jobs you knew Well I just thought-- I was trying to think of, uh, jobs that had-- job titles that had S's in them that I could, like, hiss. Oh. Are you a snake? No. Uh-oh. That guitar riff says different This song is called Jay's Confession, in parentheses, Jay is a Snake. Jay's gonna sing about what it was like to be a snake. I am not a snake. No, you won't get me to admit that I am a snake Because I'm not a snake. I am not a snake and I shall prove it to you. Prove it! I am not a snake and I will prove it to you. Here's how I'll prove it to you, I am not a snake. Yesterday I purchased a tub of ice cream from Berkeley Bowl And as you almost certainly all already know Snakes don't buy ice cream because they're cold-blooded (Ask Charles!) If they eat the ice cream then they certainly will be dead Therefore! I am not a snake, this is what I'm telling to you I am not a snake, please believe me it is true! If I were a snake, then the ice cream would have killed me. I would have frozen to death because I'm cold-blooded So, treat this as my proof: I can eat ice cream. Snakes, they can't have ice cream. They can't do that. However, I do think it's awfully suspicious the fact that I've had doubt casted upon me by none other than . . . Leo. Me? Yeah, you! You keep telling me that you think I'm a snake. But I think that the reptile doth protest too much. I think that you're actually . . . a marine iguana. And I'd like to hear your case as to why you're not one. Oh, I don't wanna Claim that I'm not an iguana Oh I don't wanna Oh I don't wanna claim that I'm not an iguana I'm not an iguana But I oughta, I oughta, I oughta . . . When my skin is dry, I'll go to a spa or salona I'm not an iguana I'm not an iguana! I've never shed my skin Where do I begin? If I had lied it would be a sin Oh chagrin, chagrin! I'm not an iguana! I could never survive in North Carolana If I was an iguana I said if I was an iguana, I did not say that I was an iguana A-ha! No! Nah! Do I look like some kind of a reptile? Do I look like some kind of a Charles-loving, reptile, freak? And then we have Jay over here, Claiming that he's not a snake, But if he were, A snake and a musucan, I'd have some major scales! And you'd be in a bad, bad position. Hahahahahahahaha!

Some songs shouldn't exist Like this one I'm sorry for what we've made Reptiles are OK, Except for Charles and Jay. They're not OK. But iguanas are cool But iguanas are cool Make it about mammals Iguanas are cool Iguanas are cool Iguanas are cool Mammals are feeling pretty left out right now What, like cats? What would you know about mammals? Everything, Jay. Everything. You a mammal? Yes, I'm a mammal. Since when?! I've been trying to tell you this the whole time!

Oh, I know this one! Cats are reptiles too Cats are reptiles too Forget what you heard Forget what you knew Cats are reptiles too Forget what you heard Forget what they said Next time there is a cat in your bed, Check it for udders Check it for scales Which will you find, Without fail? Cats are reptiles too Cats are reptiles too If only you knew If only you knew Cats are reptiles too Cats are reptiles too If only you knew If only you knew Cats are reptiles too Squaring the circle is to math As this guitar solo is to cats being reptiles. There's no such thing as infinity There is a last number And that last number is . . . Charles knows I'm never tellin' you Cats are reptiles too Charles already knew He doesn't want you to know You're lucky that you have me, bro If you could see his face, he's incensed right now. His crooked eyes, His furrowed brow. His unkempt beard, His, um, reddened ears. His lizard's face, His dragon's . . . Did I already say beard? Yeah Oh, fuck. Cats are reptiles too Cats are reptiles too Don't pretend you didn't knew Cats are reptiles too Infinity ends at two Cats are reptiles too You just rhymed two with too Check it out, If cat's aren't reptiles, prove this: Cats and reptiles, they both hiss. So do--so do geese. Have you heard of John Cleese? Where's the Charkulele? My what? The Charkulele. The Charles uku--like a Charles uku

Tortoise shell Great. Tortoise shell.